In Those Situations, Keep Quiet And Cook Red Rice With Beans (そういう時は黙って赤飯, Sō iu toki wa damatte sekihan) is the seventy-sixth episode of the Gintama anime.
Otae's childhood friend, Kyuubei Yagyuu appears and takes Otae back to fulfill her childhood promise, which simultaneously draws heat from both Shinpachi (who wants to protect his sister) and the Shinsengumi (who want to use her to save Kondo from a beastly wedding proposal).
The episode starts out with some kids playing outside a Shinto Shrine. The little girl tells the boys who are crying to stop. That isn’t the way Samurai’s are suppose to act. The boy next to the girl says that “tae-san” and his grandfather always keep saying the same thing. “Do Samurai really have to be strong?”, he asks. Everyone calls him small, even Tae-chan who is a girl is bigger than him. There is no way a small guy like him could ever be a big strong Samurai. Tae-chan, the girl, tells him that when he grows up into an adult for sure he will be big and strong. The boy replies that his whole family, including his grandfather and father are all small.
Tae-chan then goes on to say how according to her data, many people in powerful positions are small in stature, such as corporate CEOs and such… She’s trying to make him feel better. She then says that even if he is smaller than everyone else, his heart and the heart of the samurai is bigger than anyone else. She calls him Kyuu-chan. He then asks her that when he does become a strong hearted samurai will she…. (Then it fades to an old photo, it is obvious now who these two characters are… can’t you see little Shinpachi!).
Flash back to the present and we’re at Otae-san’s workplace, Snack Sumairu (smile?). None other than Hijikata-san shows up, and all the girls working there flock to him. They make jokes about how its not gori (Kondo-san) showing up but Hijikata-han. Hijikata-san definitely looks uncomfortable.
Hijikata-san meets up with Otae-san and she assumes that he’s there to hit on her as well. She says that recently she hasn’t seen Gori-san around, and now is it Hijikata-san coming to stalk her. What is with these Shinsengumi people?Hijikata says that it’s not like he wants to be here. Otae-san asks him if he knows about the relationship between Kondo-san and herself. Hijikata has no idea what she is talking about. She tells him that this is like some romantic drama, having two people fight over her… Hijikata says that that isn’t the case.. but she continues on saying that she is high maintenance you know!Hijikata says that isn’t it and changes the subject to tell her that Kondo-san has been trying so many times to propose to her, but that hasn’t worked out. Instead he gets himself hurt. She then figures out that Hijikata-san is actually here for Kondo-san. That is when the rest of the Shinsengumi guys jump in.
All of them ask as one for Otae-san to be Kondo-san’s wife and become their “big sister”. She wonders what is going on, and Hijikata-san tells her that an arranged marriage proposal has come in for Kondo-san. Its something that the higher ups have put together for political reasons. Once Kondo-san saw who he was going to be hooked up with he’s been acting totally strange. They show him in the car with Hijikata-san checking out some really ugly looking lady. He tells Toushi to check out that hot babe….
Otae-san thinks that this is a great thing. Now she wont be stalked by Kondo-san anymore, and now he’s found love. This works out perfect for the both of them. Then Hijikata shows her a picture of the girl arranged to marry Kondo-san. Her name is Bubbles-sama and well she’s a Gorilla. Again Otae-san thinks that this is perfect. A perfect couple, both look like gorillas… Yamazaki tells her that while Kondo-san might look like a Gorilla, that girl is a “real” gorilla! There is no way that they could have her for their “nee-san” (big sister). The only one that can stop their Captain is her. Otae thinks that she would make a great wife. Yamazak bows his head and tells her that she doesn’t have to go so far as to marry Kondo-san but to at least stop him from doing this. He says that he’s a man bowing to a woman asking for help here. She starts getting annoyed and beings to beat them up telling them to get lost. All these stalkers are making her mad.
Hijikata sits at the table and picks up his cell phone and calls Kondo-san. He tells him that there ended up being no chance here. He probably needs to get ready and face the inevitable. He then tells him to not ever use him for something like this again. At that moment one of the Shinsengumi guys gets thrown into the table. It’s some mysterious man who did it…
The rest of the Shinsengumi guys gather around him and the guy asks them why they are trying to hurt a woman. How can they call themselves Samurai. Yamazaki points out that it was Otae that started it, and shes the one beating them up…and yes they are Samurai! The boy then says that its not good for them to be trying to hurt his very special person. They wonder what the heck this little shrimp could do… Hijikata-san tells them to stop it and stop making a scene here. He tells them to lets get out of here, and tells the boy to come as well… isn’t he underage to be coming into a place like this. The boy replies with a “What did you just say… I’m a..” and he throws up his hat and unsheaths his katana. He takes a shot at Hijikata who barely blocks it in time, but it leaves a crack in Hijikata’s Katana. He announces himself a Yagyuu Kyuubei. Obviously Otae-san recognizes who it is.
Looks like the yorozuya gang are up early for some work. Shinpachi sounds like he is worried about his sister. He says that she works late in the night and comes home in the early morning. Last night she came home particularly late, and just left again right away in the early morning. Gin-san says that its probably best in these situations to not to do anything…let nature take its course kind of thing. Shinpachi then says that before getting married she isn’t allowed to be doing any of that stuff! How does he know that she isn’t meeting up with someone she’s going to marry… and Shinpachi tries to defend himself that there is nobody out there. He wont accept that! Gin-san starts to give him a lecture that his older sister isn’t gonna be there for him forever. She’s going to get married eventually and there is nothing he can do about it. That’s just how being an adult is. (I’m not sure what Kagura said… it was a pun but Shinpachi makes her cry). Shinpachi sits there wondering who could be the one that his sister is getting hooked up with. He then thinks its Kondo-san. No way!
Down below Kondo-san is walking with Matsudaira-sama. He thinks that he heard his name being called out. Matsudaira-sama thinks that he’s a bit nervous. I don’t blame him… It seems that he’s about to meet his arranged engaged wife to be. Matsudaira also brings up how he also met his wife through an arranged marriage, and he was quite nervous at the time too. He takes out the picture of Bubbles-sama and says that those arranged marriage photos aren’t that great. He says that she may look like a gorilla but I’m sure she is quite the looker in person. Kondo jumps in to say that she doesn’t look like a gorilla, she “IS’ a gorilla. Matsudaira then says its probably just that she isn’t very photogenic, and the photo makes her look like a gorilla. He then tells Kondo to just gut it out and take it head on. He also brings up the fact that this marriage has some large consequences and the whole of earth is counting on him. So get to it… and Kondo still looking at the photo is thinking that this is really a gorilla. Matsudaira tells him to forget about the photo and probably in person she will be 3 times better looking than that photo. “Trust the old man” , he says…
They arrive at their destination and open the sliding door. There is Bubbles-sama… and she’s 3 times the size that they expected… not 3 times prettier! At that moment Kyuubei and Otae-san walk right past them. Otae stops thinking that she has just seen a gorilla. Kyuubei has no idea what she just meant…but he thinks that its just how tae-chan is always acting.
Inside the room, Kondo-san is asking what hobbies that Bubbles-ojou (princess) has. Bubbles just makes a gruntting sound. Obviously Kondo-san is nervous and he starts blurbing out nonsense. He even thinks that, wondering what he is saying. He then wonders if Bubbles can even understand what he is saying. It looks to him that she is starting to look like she isn’t having a good time… or maybe he can’t even tell. He then thinks that if this keeps up the Earth is in big trouble… at that moment. Goodness he farts because he’s feeling too nervous. Not a good thing here. He’s feeling like he has to use the restroom now. He doesn’t know what he can do now to not be rude and excuse himself. He gets up and walks to the door making a grunting sound and pointing outside. The subtitles say “that he is going to take a walk.. want to come as well?” (or something to that effect). The misunderstanding means that Bubbles-oojou follows him out the room.
Otae-san and Kyuubei are having a talk in their own room. Otae-san says that she didn’t expect to see him so soon. She heard that he went out on a trip, but didn’t know that he would be back. He should have let her know. Kyuubei says that no one knows that he is back. He came back to meet her first. You hear some crash that sounds like Bubbles and then Kyuubei runs in to hug Otae-san. He then asks her if she remembers the promise that she made to him when they were younger. Like he promised he has come back stronger, now its time for Tae-chan to fufill her part of the promise.
Outside Bubbles is lying on the floor. It looks like a rock or the roof hit her in the head. Kondo-san is wondering why that happened, and Gin-san and Kagura show themselves up on the roof of the house. Gin-san says sorry his hand slipped, and Kagura says that she sees 2 gorillas. At that moment…Kondo-san lets it loose…. And Kyuubei goes to kiss Otae-san.
Shinpachi goes to collect the money for the roof work and thinks about buying something for his sister from the bargin bin with that money. He thinks that he’s the only man in his sister’s life (or something to that effect), there’s no way there is some man that she’s going out early in the morning to meet. He ends up walking passed the room Kyuubei and Otae are in and catches the kiss.
Bubbles-Oojou has some missing hair and Kondo-san asks if she is alright. He can see that her hair has been totally cut, not to mention his butthole totally let it out too. But worse than that, the worst people to be here, are here. Gin-san wonders what the heck they are doing. There is no way that Kondo-san is going to tell them about his engagement to this gorilla… or the fact that he let one loose. He tells them that the gorilla is his pet. He also thinks to himself telling Oojou sorry and hoping that she doesn’t understand a word he is saying. Of course that doesn’t matter as Gin-san and Kagura start playing around with her, treating her like a pet. When she sneezes, Gin-san slaps her in the face for having bad manners.
Kondo-san tries to get away telling them that he’s in the middle of walking her. As he walks off the poop falls out of his pants…. Gin-san wonders what the heck is that, and Kagura says that it is indeed poop. Kondo-san thinks to himself that he didn’t wear any trunks under the hakama today, so thats why it just “fell out”… Gin-san tries to ask if that thing just fell out of his hakama. To counter the embarrassment, he tries to pin it on Oojou and kicks her into the pond. Trying to put the blame on her, he yells that he told her not to going poop anywhere like that. Gin-san says that he did in fact see it fall out of kondo-san’s pants. Kondo again trying to divert the comments says that it wasn’t him.. “Don’t you know how old I am, theres no way I could do that.” Kagura then points to the “trail” of poop that leads right to Kondo-san. Looks like finally Bubbles-Oojou has had it.
Back with Otae-san, Kyuubei and Shinpachi… Otae tries to tell Shinpachi that it is a misunderstanding, but Shinpachi doesn’t listen and charges at Kyuubei wondering what he has done to his sister. Kyuubei recognizes that it is Shinpachi and tells him that he he hasn’t changed. Maybe he should actually try to get stronger for a change, as he flips him accross the room. Shinpachi recognizes that it is Yagyuu Kyuubei-san. He wonders what he is doing here. Kyuubei tells him that he probably doesn’t know but when they were kids Tae-san made a promise to him to marry him when he became a strong samurai. Today is the day where he takes her to join the Yagyuu clan. Now she has become his thing, and he can’t say anything about it. Shinpachi thinks that it is a joke for him to still believe in a child’s promise. As he turns to his sister to try to see what she says, Otae just stays silent. She gets up and tells Shinpachi that she is sorry, as she walks to Kyuubei.
Shinpachi tries to yell to her, and at that moment Gin-san and company crash through the doorway with Bubbles-Oojou right behind. Gin-san yells at Kondo to do something about his pet. Kondo starts to tell them the truth when he sees Otae-san there. Gin-san catches the mood and says that it looks like they’ve come at a bad time here. Otae-san tells them all goodbye with tears in her eyes and turns her back on them. Gin-san seems hit pretty hard by this and slowly tries to get up and stop her, but Bubbles goes berserk and gets in the way.
Hijikata-san checks his sword and sees that there is a crack in it. Sougo tells him that this is now the second time that he’s been defeated. Hijikata doesn’t think that he’s been beat, but Sougo tells him that this is the second time that his katana has been cracked before. The first time was when he fought with Gin-san. Sougo then tells him that they were close to being killed there by that Yagyuu guy. Sougo then starts with the background story saying that in the past the Yagyuu clan has been one of the top martial arts families. But since the Amanto have come they have been fairly quiet. He then talks about Yagyuu Kyuubei. He might be a small fellow but he has a very quick sword. They say that he is a genius since he was born. They probably had no chance dealing with the Yagyuu fighting style. This of course makes Hijikata-san even more upset.
Sougo then brings up the fact that Kondo-san has no chance at winning against Kyuubei, both in fighting and the fact that Kyuubei is a childhood friend of Otae’s. Hijikata tells him not to underestimate Kondo-san. He was brave enough to deal with the Bubbles-Oojou, and it looks like he is now willing to fight for what he wants. If he puts his mind to it, Kondo-san can accomplish anything.
Back at the yorozuya, Kagura is wondering why Shinpachi hasn’t come back these past few days. She also wonders if Otae-san will ever come back. Gin-san thinks that she’s probably busy getting ready to become a bride and stuff. It must be hard work marrying into a large prestigious family such as the Yagyuu. He doesn’t know about this childhood promise thing, so it isn’t his problem. Kagura then says that her mother told her that becoming a bride is suppose to be a happy event, and for the rest of her life she should be happy and smile at the time of her death. Kagura wonders if Otae would be happy with this in the end.
Gin-san doesn’t seem to want to hear anymore and he takes a time out. Kagura wonders if Otae is actually hiding something, she must be. Gin-san tries to tell himself that she probably will smile at the end, but really he knows that isn’t true. He thinks of that scene when he saw Otae-san say goodbye to them and she was crying. Gin-san thinks to himself that he saw something bad that he didn’t want to see.
Over at what looks to be the Yagyuu mansion, Shinpachi and Kondo-san prepare to enter it. The guards think that they are probably here to challenge the dojo to a duel or something. No way would they try to challenge the great Yagyuu clan. Shinpachi and Kondo-san reply that they wouldn’t try something so vulgar… and instead kick the door down.
- Shimura Tae
- Yagyuu Kyuubei (debut)
- Hijikata Toushirou
- Yamazaki Sagaru
- Princess Bubbles (debut)
- Harada Unosuke
- Sakata Gintoki
- Shimura Shinpachi
- Kondou Isao
- Matsudaira Katakuriko
- Okita Sougo