Don’t Panic - There’s a Return Policy! (慌てるな！クーリングオフというものがある, Awateruna! Kūringu ofu to iu mono ga aru) is the twenty-ninth episode of the Gintama anime.
While trying to pawn off Gintoki's sword, Kagura is attacked by a crazed sword collector, who believes that Gintoki's sword is the one he's been looking for.
A mysterious Amanto swordsman, named Gankeimaru, attacks a samurai in order to acquire his sword. We learn that he has come to Earth in order to obtain an enchanted sword that is said to cut even a star, called the "Star Destroyer". Meanwhile, in Odd Jobs Gin, Kagura is working out with some items she bought off a shopping channel. Gintoki and Shinpachi take them to return them back to the channel, much to Kagura's displease. She takes Gin's bokutou/wooden sword to sell it for revenge and to buy herself some items. However, she can't sell it anywhere despite her efforts. Frustrated, she smacks the sword around destroying a bridge. Gankeimaru, who has been rampaging in the town, learns of Kagura's doing and rushes to attack her believing she has the sword he seeks. Kagura defends and manages to escape on Sadaharu's back. It's not long though until Gankeimaru catches up to her and grabs her from the throat. As she is about to give up the fighting, she counter-attacks and falls off the building. Sadaharu catches her in mid-air and she makes a quick return to finish off the Amanto swordsman. Later, when she is watching TV with Gintoki, she finds out that the sword is just a marketing product and not anything special to Gin. Filled with anger, she breaks the sword in two.
The Yorozuya find themselves ground-zero in an invasion of space-cockroaches.
Kagura wakes up crying to Gintoki for help, as she says she has found a huge cockroach. Gintoki and shortly Shinpachi go to check only to find that the cockroach is really huge, nearly as tall as them. In the meantime, in the TV news, they are discussing with Prince Hata multiple reported incidents of space cockroaches invading Edo. A lot of information is periodically revealed through the news, like that the cockroaches are carnivorous, that they should not be attacked because they will call for backup, that they must find their Queen and kill her to save the planet from the infestation and finally that the Queen is actually one of Hata's pets. The Queen can be recognised from some characters written on her back, reading "Goro". The Yorozuya do not see any of this, so they are unaware of how to deal with them and they believe the cockroaches evolved from eating pickled seaweeds. Shinpachi enters the room again to get the spray to deal with the cockroaches, but he is attacked. The rest of the Yorozuya follows shortly after and they attack the cockroach with spray and slippers. The cockroach spits out Shinpachi's glasses. Thinking the cockroach ate Shinpachi, they keep attacking the cockroach with more might, but soon more cockroaches arrive. Kagura and Gintoki are pinned in the attic, where Gintoki gets hold of Goro. Unaware of who that cockroach is and judging from her small size, he throws her away. Shinpachi arrives with some extra spray and they start attacking the cockroaches. Shinpachi informs Gin about what he heard in the news, leaving him in shock as he remembers that he had Goro in his hands. The trio leaves the house thinking the planet is coming to its end, just the moment that Goro passes before them. However, Goro comes before Sadaharu, who has been sleeping up until now. With a lazy move, he stomps Goro, killing her and then continues with his nap.
- Sakata Gintoki
- Shimura Shinpachi
- Prince Hata (television)
- Gorou 五郎 (debut)
- Hanano Saki 花野 咲 (debut)
- Sadaharu (cameo)
- When Kagura and Shinpachi ask for help to eliminate the cockroach, they try to say "Help me!" in English, but they are always mistaken, with Gintoki correcting them. Among the mistakes they made, they said in English "Health! Health me!", "Shape! Shape up!", "Pulp! Pulp Fiction!", "Herpes! Herpes me!"