If You Stop and Think About It, Your Life’s a Lot Longer as an Old Guy Than a Kid! Whoa, Scary!! (考えたら人生ってオッさんになってからの方が長いんじゃねーか！恐っ！！, kangae tara jinseitte ossan ni natte kara no hou ga nagain ja nēka! kowa !!) is the sixteenth episode of the Gintama anime.
An unemployed Hasegawa takes a job as a cab driver, forcing him to debate his mortality against his ego.
The episode focuses on Hasegawa after he lost his job, because he punched Prince Hata in Episode 7. He sits on a bench in the park along with Kagura and he tells her about how he was fired. Kagura insults him and walks away for being a loser without a job. Hasegawa narrates the facts that followed after the incident. How his boss ordered him to commit seppuku, how he refused because he was scared, how his wife abandoned him. After a meeting with Gintoki in the pachinkos, he is convinced to make a new start and tries to go to an interview for a job. However, during the interview he is confronted by a previous acquaintance of his, whom Hasegawa always abused at their previous job. Now that man takes revenge on him and rejects him for the interview. Hasegawa attends more interviews without success, until he finally meets with Gin once more. During one of their conversations, Gintaki finally convinces Hasegawa to get rid of his sunglasses. With a new look Hasegawa finally gets a job as a taxi driver. He has a lot of the show's main and secondary characters as his fares with the last one being Gin, who asks him just to drive around. Suddenly, Prince Hata calls for the taxi and asks to take him to the Edo Zoo park. As they try to take him to his destination being extremely careful in order to not let the Prince recognize them, a man steps in front of the taxi to stop it and begs Hasegawa to take his wife who is ready to give birth to the nearest hospital. The hospital is in the opposite direction of the zoo, so Prince Hata orders Hasegawa to take him to the zoo saying that he doesn't give a damn about human beings. Hasegawa punches him out of the taxi and takes the couple to the hospital. As a result, Hasegawa loses his job once more and is having another conversation with Kagura in the park. Kagura insults him again before leaving with Sadaharu.
- Hasegawa Taizou (main Character)
- Hasegawa Hatsu (voice only)
- Prince Hata
- Jii (flashback)
- Sakata Gintoki
- Shimura Tae
- Kondou Isao
- Katsura Kotarou
- Hijikata Toushirou
- Okita Sougo
- Shimura Shinpachi
- MADAO is introduced for the first time as a "title" for Hasegawa, always as something negative for him. The initials change most times with "O" standing always for Ossan (sir/mister). In English it is translated often as DORK.